New year

I've blabbed enough about my failings as a blogger, apologized ad infinitum because I really, truly do stink at this and come up with a copious amount of excuses as to why I really, truly do stink at this that I feel it presumptuous to go further with that line of thinking.

So I just won't.

Welcome to the New Year, my blog starting the '06 on the right note: Actually being written.

As anyone who knows me likely knows, Bill Simmons is one of my favourite sports columnists anywhere. Ever. I religiously read his Sports Guy World section of ESPN.com because even for his ability to write comedically — as anyone who tries to write knows, one of the toughest things to do — his pieces are well-informed, unique and create some new angles that 90 per cent of this uninspired industry never would touch. Sports columnists are such a ridiculous bunch, and I count myself among that group. Talking heads and scribes are so quick to jump on the so-blatantly-obvious angle of any newsmaker, that it makes most of the work out there almost unreadable. "Terrell Owens is a jerk," ... "Cheer for (insert New Orleans sports team here) because they've gone through so much," ... "Peyton Manning is a great quarterback" ... "Brett Favre, what a competitor."

It's enough to make you sick and Simmons, not to say he's the only one or that I'm deifying him here, at least realizes that sports is, and always will be, the toy department in the hardware store of life.

Awhile back when reading one of his pieces I remarked to someone that I found it odd that Canada really doesn't have any nationally-known or syndicated columnists who aren't afraid to tell it how it is. And I'm not even suggesting the grilling of a major story here, but just someone to say every once and awhile that the emperor is buck naked. Sometimes just the mundane, random story deserves it too.

• Why don't we have someone who contradicts those that have the national voices?

• Why isn't there a media watchdog to tell us, yes in fact Glen Suitor and Jennifer Hedger are extremely fortunate to have jobs.

• Why don't we have people that stand up and say what you know damn well 84 per cent of the population is thinking but doesn't have the voice to make it heard?

• Why is everything just accepted at face value? What you see in Canada is what you get and you'd better enjoy it because you have no alternatives.

So let me break down a few things, if I may.

1) TSN is turning into one of the worst networks on TV and it arguably has more resources at its disposal than its two other national sports TV competitors. Right now it seems that the network is mailing it in, content to coast off the successes of its NHL broadcasts and the fact it's backed by ESPN.

And while we're on that subject, the downfall of TSN can be directly connected to when ESPN took over and started changing everything. People forget that SportsCentre used to be called Sportsdesk. That TSN's logo was a mock up of spotlights used to form the call letters rather than the fraternal twin of the Worldwide Leader's design. That every stylistic change the network has made in the past few years has been made to resemble what ESPN is doing in the States.

All well and good, but all that served to show was how poor TSN is compared to ESPN. The anchors are worse, the coverage is worse, the analysis is worse (except for hockey) and the overall packaging is just the cheap knock-off. If ESPN is the Panasonic HD Plasma version, then TSN is the Banatonic bootleg piece of crap that gets sold out of the back of vans.

If it weren't for hockey, then TSN would basically do nothing well at all. When it comes to the CFL, TSN should have the market cornered yet they still come up short. Think about it. There's no other network that legitimately poses a threat — CBC only does a handful of games and Sportsnet even less — and TSN still manages to trot out retread analysts who bring nothing more to the game than if I was in the booth doing it.

I've joked repeatedly that I know more about football than Suitor does and he played in the league. While that may not be true (but I'm not convinced), one thing is for sure: I know more about football than Leif Petterson. And regardless of where the game is played, you're guaranteed to get one of these two yapping at you about nothing at all.

1a) Quick, name one good TSN anchor. Tough isn't it? Jay Onrait is passable, and after that there is NO one who would make me want to tune into SportsCentre. No personality, no interest, nothing creative. Onrait is the only guy who does anything remotely unique. Cory Woron is likable as a straight-laced, just read me the news kind of guy, which I appreciate. Hedger is a travesty, what with her fake "sports-guy voice" that undulates from octave to octave in a feeble attempt to capture... I don't know what. Something I guess.

Note of advice: When a person whose voice is her living is working for your network that relies on people staying on your channel and said voice alone is enough to make me change the channel, that's not good. And all of this is not even mentioning her storied history of not knowing a goddamn thing.

Listen, TSN should be skewered. It's the elitist, pompous sports network that doesn't feel it has to work for your attention. And it doesn't. They can show all the poker, lumberjack battles and strongman competitions they want, neglect numerous other sporting activities they don't deem worthy and inundate us with how they're "Canada's Sports Leader" and nothing will change.

Nothing significant comes from TSN. They're scoreboards neglect important information, their tickers provide bare essentials in information and if you want anything other than hockey highlights/stats/news ... well, don't bother. Bare bones.

Even their catch phrase was copped from ESPN — The Worldwide Leader in Sports.

Canada's Sports Leader? What a joke. Hopefully no one else chooses to follow this lead.