New year

I've blabbed enough about my failings as a blogger, apologized ad infinitum because I really, truly do stink at this and come up with a copious amount of excuses as to why I really, truly do stink at this that I feel it presumptuous to go further with that line of thinking.

So I just won't.

Welcome to the New Year, my blog starting the '06 on the right note: Actually being written.

As anyone who knows me likely knows, Bill Simmons is one of my favourite sports columnists anywhere. Ever. I religiously read his Sports Guy World section of ESPN.com because even for his ability to write comedically — as anyone who tries to write knows, one of the toughest things to do — his pieces are well-informed, unique and create some new angles that 90 per cent of this uninspired industry never would touch. Sports columnists are such a ridiculous bunch, and I count myself among that group. Talking heads and scribes are so quick to jump on the so-blatantly-obvious angle of any newsmaker, that it makes most of the work out there almost unreadable. "Terrell Owens is a jerk," ... "Cheer for (insert New Orleans sports team here) because they've gone through so much," ... "Peyton Manning is a great quarterback" ... "Brett Favre, what a competitor."

It's enough to make you sick and Simmons, not to say he's the only one or that I'm deifying him here, at least realizes that sports is, and always will be, the toy department in the hardware store of life.

Awhile back when reading one of his pieces I remarked to someone that I found it odd that Canada really doesn't have any nationally-known or syndicated columnists who aren't afraid to tell it how it is. And I'm not even suggesting the grilling of a major story here, but just someone to say every once and awhile that the emperor is buck naked. Sometimes just the mundane, random story deserves it too.

• Why don't we have someone who contradicts those that have the national voices?

• Why isn't there a media watchdog to tell us, yes in fact Glen Suitor and Jennifer Hedger are extremely fortunate to have jobs.

• Why don't we have people that stand up and say what you know damn well 84 per cent of the population is thinking but doesn't have the voice to make it heard?

• Why is everything just accepted at face value? What you see in Canada is what you get and you'd better enjoy it because you have no alternatives.

So let me break down a few things, if I may.

1) TSN is turning into one of the worst networks on TV and it arguably has more resources at its disposal than its two other national sports TV competitors. Right now it seems that the network is mailing it in, content to coast off the successes of its NHL broadcasts and the fact it's backed by ESPN.

And while we're on that subject, the downfall of TSN can be directly connected to when ESPN took over and started changing everything. People forget that SportsCentre used to be called Sportsdesk. That TSN's logo was a mock up of spotlights used to form the call letters rather than the fraternal twin of the Worldwide Leader's design. That every stylistic change the network has made in the past few years has been made to resemble what ESPN is doing in the States.

All well and good, but all that served to show was how poor TSN is compared to ESPN. The anchors are worse, the coverage is worse, the analysis is worse (except for hockey) and the overall packaging is just the cheap knock-off. If ESPN is the Panasonic HD Plasma version, then TSN is the Banatonic bootleg piece of crap that gets sold out of the back of vans.

If it weren't for hockey, then TSN would basically do nothing well at all. When it comes to the CFL, TSN should have the market cornered yet they still come up short. Think about it. There's no other network that legitimately poses a threat — CBC only does a handful of games and Sportsnet even less — and TSN still manages to trot out retread analysts who bring nothing more to the game than if I was in the booth doing it.

I've joked repeatedly that I know more about football than Suitor does and he played in the league. While that may not be true (but I'm not convinced), one thing is for sure: I know more about football than Leif Petterson. And regardless of where the game is played, you're guaranteed to get one of these two yapping at you about nothing at all.

1a) Quick, name one good TSN anchor. Tough isn't it? Jay Onrait is passable, and after that there is NO one who would make me want to tune into SportsCentre. No personality, no interest, nothing creative. Onrait is the only guy who does anything remotely unique. Cory Woron is likable as a straight-laced, just read me the news kind of guy, which I appreciate. Hedger is a travesty, what with her fake "sports-guy voice" that undulates from octave to octave in a feeble attempt to capture... I don't know what. Something I guess.

Note of advice: When a person whose voice is her living is working for your network that relies on people staying on your channel and said voice alone is enough to make me change the channel, that's not good. And all of this is not even mentioning her storied history of not knowing a goddamn thing.

Listen, TSN should be skewered. It's the elitist, pompous sports network that doesn't feel it has to work for your attention. And it doesn't. They can show all the poker, lumberjack battles and strongman competitions they want, neglect numerous other sporting activities they don't deem worthy and inundate us with how they're "Canada's Sports Leader" and nothing will change.

Nothing significant comes from TSN. They're scoreboards neglect important information, their tickers provide bare essentials in information and if you want anything other than hockey highlights/stats/news ... well, don't bother. Bare bones.

Even their catch phrase was copped from ESPN — The Worldwide Leader in Sports.

Canada's Sports Leader? What a joke. Hopefully no one else chooses to follow this lead.

Zen tampering

After the Lakers were the latest NBA team to dismantle the Toronto Raptors on Wednesday night, a story moved on the wire and in the Toronto media that LAL head coach Phil Jackson praised Chris Bosh and seemed rather high on the Raptors young star.

A story just moved on the wire today that the Raptors are up in arms that Jackson would have the gaul to suggest what he did.

As quoted in the Canadian Press/Toronto Star story that moved on the wire:

‘‘Well ... the players that were franchise-changing players you know re-signed up or re-upped with their organizations,’’ Jackson said. ‘‘There are some that will be available in the year following that you obviously have to take a look at, and this kid here is one of them. Chris Bosh, obviously everybody’s going to be interested in and we think he’s become quite a talent.’’

And the Raptors rebuttal?

‘‘If someone asks our coach about a guy and he says, ‘He’s a great player,’ that’s fine. But if he says, ‘He’s a great player and he’d look great in a Toronto uniform,’ that’s tampering,’’ the official said.
Jackson didn’t say he wanted to lure Bosh to Los Angeles. But he did freely mention his name as someone his team — and others — might covet.

Could the Toronto Raptors look anymore bush league than they already do? My word, someone from glitzy, glammed-up L.A. makes the slightest mention of one of their players and the media hoards come flocking. Then, uptight Raptor front office types come battling back against the big, bad media celeb machine that is the Los Angeles Lakers, shaking their fists and offering up "you better watch it, Bucko" type retorts. It carries all the merit and threat of the 98-pound weakling challenging the school bully to a tussle at lunch hour.

Listen, you're already the laughingstock of the NBA, not only for your record but for the band of incompentents you have working in your front office, and for the Raptors to even have the nerve to make this into an issue is laughable and embarassing.

Advice for the Raptors? Just stay quiet and wait for someone to call on you. Just as in that lunch-hour mismatch, the Raptors should know their place and slink back into their spot in the corner as the worst franchise in the L and leave the heavy lifting to the real franchises.

Sing along

That last comment has a fire in my belly and the only way to fight back is with a good old fashioned sing off. Y'know, like they used to do back in the 40s in those movies that were all musical and stuff. Y'know like that movie "Breakin'"? Classic.

The Nebraska Cornhuskers will play the Michigan Wolverines in the Dec. 27th Alamo Bowl in San Antonio, Texas for those that didn't know. It is just the sixth time the two historic teams have met so it's got a nice little storyline to it. And while I've always admitted I like UM's fight song, let's not gloss over the fact that Nebraska has two very good fight songs that we all hope will be locked in your brain by the time Boxing Day is done and the Huskers get set to prove once and for all that red is better than blue.

So without further adieu, I've got Tommy Lee here with me so let's not waste anytime:

Ahem....

Dear Old Nebraska U (mp3)
There is no place like Nebraska
Dear old Nebraska U.
Where the girls are the fairest,
The boys are the squarest,
Of any old school that I knew.

There is no place like Nebraska,
Where they're all true blue.
We'll all stick together,
In all kinds of weather,
For Dear old Nebraska U!

Hail Varsity (mp3)
Hail to the team
The stadium rings as everyone sings,
The Scarlet and Cream.
Cheers for a victory, echo our loyalty;
So, on mighty men,
The eyes of the land, upon every hand,
Are looking at you.
Fight on for victory
Hail to the Men of Nebraska U

As I've always said, two fight songs are much better than one. GO BIG RED

Bowling

Nebraska's in a bowl game, the Steelers are making my heart stop and I'm less than a week from a roady to Minnesota for Steelers-Vikings.

All this means is that it's December and, because of that, there is time to think festive. So allow me to start the carolling with this classic.